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Cuban protest cuba flag sos cuba libre shirt .Meanwhile, I was still wearing the But I will love this maternity clothes that I wanted to burn and the breast-feeding dresses that only seemed to highlight my feelings of failure. I purchased them with such excitement that in hindsight was optimism. What I didn’t know then was that the breast-feeding they were supposed to simplify felt like a doomed exercise. My milk never came in, or rather it trickled in and there was never enough. The G-cup boobs I carried on my body felt like a useless taunt to my hungry baby. They overwhelmed my body, they didn’t do their job. But still I kept trying. And the promise of weight loss through breastfeeding was also false. It was a sedentary exercise that was frustrating. Constantly being awake meant that I was constantly snacking and I never produced enough milk to feel like the fat-burning machine that was promised to me. I had thought I’d still maintain my routine. Wake up in the morning, dress, do my hair, put on makeup; but there was no longer a distinction between night and day. The baby woke up every three hours, sometimes fed for hours on end. When was pyjama time and when was clothes time? It didn’t matter. Over the endless months of sleepless nights and a baby that barely napped, my former reality was gone, and with it, the fashioned self I had been.
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Cuban protest cuba flag sos cuba libre shirt .I realized that what I had been no longer worked. This sense of ill-fitting wrongness was captured by the But I will love this structured coats and blazers in my closet. Expensive. Textured. Tailored. They weren’t going to work for my baby. He needed something soft he could snuggle into. I needed jumpers. Those soft, colored sacks that hang loosely from the shoulders and end somewhere below the waist. And then what? I didn’t know how to wear jumpers. I hated jumpers in all their unstructured mess. Maybe I could wear dresses instead? Loose boho dresses with hats and sandals? I started to look online. I tried some from my wardrobe. But short dresses seemed awkward to wear at home when one is always bending down, and long voluminous ones are too cumbersome for domestic work and babies. I started to understand why mums wore activewear. I started to observe what the other joggers were wearing, the other walkers—the other mums. I saw a mum in a clothing store with a baby younger than mine looking impossibly trim. I went home and cried. I felt jealous. I was almost never jealous. I had always thought that whatever I wanted, whatever I needed, if I set my mind to it, I could do. And it usually worked. But the lumpy body wouldn’t shift and was completely incongruous with the clothes I had. Even the maternity clothes didn’t work anymore. They were all proportioned for a bulbous belly. But my belly was a series of soft rolls and my bulbous boobs made me feel like a pornstar.
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